I wish the Sherpa was doing the work

Dear Tad,

I received another blog post from our guest blogger ‘Pandora’. Enjoy!

“What is the purpose of the enormous vibrator? To what purpose does the gigantic dildo serve to any couple? A standard by which to prove that you can fit that huge Mack Truck through the tunnel of love? A comparison to the formerly adequate schlong you so gently placed inside of me and now you want to ram Godzilla in there?? Do you really want me to draw the comparison? Really?

I get the whole idea of exploring new realms, trying something new, mixing it up. I get it, but really, should I be able to skateboard on it when I have no other mode of transportation? When you can answer, “Why yes, it really is bigger than a breadbox!” something has gone a little overboard at the sex shop.

Now, I’m hardly a prude. In fact, I consider myself a pretty adventurous chick; I have the mindset that I will try anything in the bedroom at least once. If it works, keep doing it; if it’s too weird feeling, painful or uncomfortable, I say NO thanks the next time and move on to bigger and better adventures (so to speak). However, when my mate brought out the Ground-to-Air missile recently during our “alone time”, that most likely was reclaimed from the Cold War, I gasped in horror and though to myself, “Good god, what’s the plan here? And where am I going to fit that?”

Needless to say, it appeared to be a novelty item that served no other purpose for me than to make me happy that at least my Kegels had been working and the old girl had managed to tighten the twat or at least made me feel as if I had. What I really just don’t get is the pleasure factor. If I had chosen it for myself, ( I prefer the smooth, small, portable kind usually hot pink in color. Go figure) I wouldn’t have complained the slightest because I would have known the type of event that would take place. Or at least have some idea. BUT when your mate walks in and presents the gift of aforementioned “bread box” and won’t themselves realize the task you have ahead of you accommodating a reticulated python in your nest, I say Nay!

Maybe if it’s “your thing”, I say go for it! To each his/her own. But for GOD SAKES, can’t we keep love making reasonable; not the chore of climbing Mt. Everest, the Sherpa is on break and you’ve just used up your last oxygen tank. Because if this keeps up, maybe I am going to have to grab another Sherpa while I sit back and watch them climb the mountain. See how you like it!”

-Pandora

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