Tag Archives: Aphrodite

Kylie’s Latest Adventures into the Land of Hotpants and Lycra

Tiffany,

Very cogent remarks earlier on race relations in America. We must discuss this further.

That said, it was not my intention to write a blog post today, and it most certainly was not my intention to write anything else relating to Australia for quite a long time. But, as it turns out, doing so is unavoidable. When I logged into my Youtube account this morning, the new Kylie Minogue video had been freshly uploaded and was ready for my viewing pleasure. For those who are not aware, Kylie is from Australia.

Don’t get me wrong, even though I have already referred to Ms. Minogue as ‘sloppy seconds’ in the diva department, I still enjoy spinning a Kylie track now and then. And, all told, her new single ‘Get Outta My Way’ isn’t all that bad. Sure, there is nothing particularly groundbreaking about the track, but it’s got a lot of pew! pew! noises and a pulsing beat. It amuses me. But, I must confess that after watching the video, I decided that it was so mind-numbingly terrible that I had to add my commentary complete with visual aides. In fact, let’s let the visuals do most of the talking, shall we?

The video opens to the following visual: it reminds me of disturbing combination of Tron and Cocoon . I am not impressed.

A few seconds into the video, we are treated to hint of male dancers in the background as Kyle dramatically remains in the fetal position . For a brief moment, tension amongst the viewer rises. This seems like a promising turn for the better.

Sadly, the video quickly transitions back to Kylie wriggling and writhing on the floor with bad hair and a tacky outfit. Consider the next visual to encompass approximately 75% of the video.

After the viewer is treated to a few more seconds of Kylie playing on the floor, we then transition to a second shot of the male dancers. Tiffany, it’s not a pretty one. What is sexy about this? What the hell are they even wearing?

If that were not bad enough, here is the final confirmation that the male component of this video is completely impotence-inducing. Enough said.

Now that all sexual energy has been sucked out of this video, enter Kylie’s first outfit change. It’s a tragic number that looks like someone took the fabric off a Victorian four-poster bed and turned it into a dress. It’s simply hideous. And, can someone please tell me what is going on with that Wolverine-esque piece of flare she is wearing on her right-hand? Who is responsible for thinking that giving Kylie a dewclaw would be sexy? It’s nasty. I would rather she be wearing Aretha Franklin’s inauguration hat. Seriously.

Next, we chair dance!

A better shot of her nasty gold dress and her beer-bellied dancers.

Another outfit change. I actually like this one. Those boots are pretty amazing, and the camera makes sure to capitalize on the gratuitous crotch shot potential this outfit offers.

The obligatory ‘diva in high heals’ shot.

I’m not sure who is responsible for choreographing the following shot, but there is so much wrong with it that I don’t know where to begin. You would think a bunch of men in skimpy outfits would have the potential to be sexy, but this is repulsive on a number of levels. The problem with being a gay icon is that sometimes you run the risk of becoming a parody of yourself. I think this image is an example of what not to do if you don’t want to fall into the parody trap. Kylie, you should know better.

WATER FIGHT!

And we end where we began: more floor-play.

Just in case you missed my earlier link, click here for another link to the new Kylie video.

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