Tag Archives: Civil Rights

Hello, gay people have ring fingers, too!

Dear Tiffany,

One of the things I like most about our friendship is that we don’t always agree on issues, but we are always able to have lively, civil conversations with each other when we disagree on something. Civil discourse is something lacking in our current political and social environment, isn’t it? Teabaggers, Mosques and Gay Marriage, oh my!

First off, I think I see where you are coming from on the gay marriage debate. I interpret your post as suggesting that if we are going to allow for gay marriage, then maybe we should take time to really look at what the institution of marriage represents and consider removing some of its discriminatory values and boundaries. In many ways, I don’t disagree with that. To use your example, why should single people be penalized for not being ‘coupled’? Why does the act of marriage suddenly entitle people to rights that they would otherwise not have access to? I think those are very good questions worth examining and debating. If redefining our marriage helps dismantle some discriminatory power structures in our society and allow more people to share a piece of the wealth, I am all about it.

That said, the biggest issue I have is that you argue that LGBT people should fight for the establishment of a separate institution, the civil union, rather than marriage. Now, given that we are Americans, our country has a long history with the issue of separate but equal institutions. In 1964 , ‘Jim Crow’ laws that promoted segregation in our society were deemed unconstitutional by the Civil Rights Act. Since then, segregation of schools, public transportation, public facilities, etc has been illegal. I think creating a separate but equal institution for gay marriage is equally unconstitutional and violates the Civil Rights Act.

Moreover, if we create a separate institution for marriage, are we not ‘othering’ ourselves? Was not the Civil Rights Act a pivotal moment in the dismantling of white power structures for the betterment of all people? Do we not create a marginalized community by creating separate but equal institutions? Do we not cave to religious institutions that are all too happy to deny LGBT people rights simply based on who we are? In my mind, we do. I am not sure I willing to take any of those risks.

Tiffany, I think your views on gay marriage should be part of our current debate. But, I think working within the framework of the marriage institution we currently have is more effective than creating a separate institution. Besides, as long as any old frat boy can fly to Vegas, get drunk and marry any woman he wants by some cheap Elvis impersonator, I’m not giving up the fight to slip a ring on my partner of nine years and live together in wedded bliss!

Kind regards as always,




Lesbian Watch, Part 2: Gays in the military – those uniforms, those haircuts, who cares?


Living in the Tacoma area, it’s been hard not to notice the trial of Maj. Margaret Witt. My post yesterday focused on media’s portrayal of Witt through their use word choices. Today, I would like to spend a bit more time on the subject.

For starters, I came across an article in The Advocate called ‘Witt Trial Enters Day 2′. As of now, it is the only article I have come across that address Maj. Witt by her name, and not merely as ‘lesbian’. For those who are not aware, The Advocate is a GLBT publication, so for them to empower Witt by name is of no surprise to me, but it’s encouraging nonetheless.

I then ran across an article in our local paper, The Tacoma News Tribune called ‘Air Force nurse’s homosexuality not a factor, witnesses say‘. Besides the obvious ‘duh!’ comment that I have to that title, it’s possibly the worst column title I have come across yet in the coverage of this story. Not only do they not mention Witt by name, but the title also implies that her homosexuality perverted who she is. And, not only that, it implies that such perversion effected how she served our country before witnesses came forward and said that wasn’t the case.

To those of you reading this conversation between Tiffany and myself, I would encourage you all to read the TNT story and The Advocate story. Then, read some of the reader comments to each. At the time this blog was written, no responses to The Advocate story had been submitted. However, the story in the TNT has received many. Many, but not all, of the comments are hateful and fear-based.


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On Being Tad


I have been thinking a lot about your post on race relations in American today. While I will never know what it is like to be a bi-racial person (unless you count my English and Scottish heritage as such) I do know what it is like to be homosexual and considered part of a minority or marginalized group.

Tiffany, let me tell you a story. A couple of months ago, I went to a conference about working with youth. One of the seminars I attended was on how to share power with youth; it was fantastic. In that seminar we did a exercise on personal power. The exercise was an adaptation of the Pie of Personal Identity. The point of the exercise was to show you how much power in our American society specific individuals and groups have. The pie was divided up into a number of slices, and while I don’t remember how all the pie pieces were labeled, it contained things like: Christian, White Male, Heterosexual, Age 25-45, and Abled Bodied. If the piece of the pie represented you, you colored it in. The total pieces of the pie you colored in represented the amount of social power you have in our culture. The more pieces you colored in, the more power you have.

As a white male, most of my pie pieces were colored in. I love pie, so this made me happy. In fact, I think only two pieces of my pie were left blank: I do not identify as Christian, and I do not identify as heterosexual. Apparently, according to this exercise, only straight bible thumpers have more power in our culture than I do. Pretty good for a poor bloke like me, no?

Now, before I go any further, I would like to say that I think exercises like the one I just mentioned can be very useful. In fact, at the time I did this exercise I found value in the process in that it challenged some of my thinking. However, when I think of my Pie of Personal Identity and relate it to my experiences in the real world, the two just don’t look the same. Reality is, if I base the quantity of pie I should have on what society says, I would never know how much pie I have. And, being that I like pie, I want to know how much is available to me.

To put it another way, I have found that some people are very quick to label me as ‘marginalized’ as a gay man when it suits their argument to do so. Conversely, I have also found that some people are quick to label me as a ‘privileged white male’ when it suits them to do so. I have even had some people question the very existence of a gay sub-culture, thus nullifying ‘gay’ as a label at all. Even more shocking, I recently overhead a heterosexual woman claim she was oppressed because she is Christian. Not sure I understand her point of view, but the point I am trying to make is that this entire ‘power’ thing is confusing, isn’t it?

Labeling games create a paradoxical situation. While I believe it is human nature to want to label and categorize things (you should see how I’ve categorized my music collection, Tiffany) not all things can be labeled. When we attempt to create labels for ourselves we often dehumanize and minimize who and what we truly are. I have never viewed myself as ‘marginalized’ or ‘oppressed’. I have never labeled myself based on some of my attributes such as ‘homosexual’ or ‘white’ or ‘brown haired’. I label myself as Tad. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t pet my gay dog, feed my gay cats and make a gay cup of coffee. I do those things because those are the kinds of things people do; because I am Tad.

I strongly agree that there are ingrained power structures in our society that need to be torn down and rebuilt. But, when we as a culture proudly embrace terms like ‘marginalized communities’, how do those terms work to shape our view of ourselves, especially if we are the ones being categorized as marginalized? How do those labels work to positively change and break down ingrained power structures? If I buy-in to the idea that I am marginalized and oppressed, how will that shape my interactions with others? How will it impact my ability to truly be myself?

I think it’s time to start thinking outside of labels. It’s time to start thinking in terms of commonalities, our shared values and shared goals. This is not to suggest we turn into a collective, or mindless drones. But, the more we divide and sub-divide who we are based on labels and what petty power structures tell us, the more we all suffer for it.


On Being Halfrican American

Dear Tad,

Sydney!! I should have known you’d know where to get the boys and the booze!!! That’s probably one of the wildest places on planet Earth for Pride and what have you…I used to know some Australians when I lived in New York, but I can’t remember anymore what went on there; I just remember that during rugby match season we’d always be in the pub drinking Foster’s by 10 am…

In other news, I can see that race has become of paramount importance again in the United States since Barack Obama took office. For some people, things have really become charged. In fact, I had someone accuse me the other day of being a mad black woman, when in fact, I am just a mad woman. There was nothing black about my anger at all! I was just being a disgruntled bi-racial person (so I thought). This person claimed that raising my voice and getting emotional must mean that my African side is solely influencing my actions. To the contrary, my black father is an easy-going person, who rarely, if ever, raises his voice. The part of the family that I inherited my loud brashness from is not the African side, but the German-British side, in fact! Yes, it comes down from my very Waspish grandfather who had been a colonel and Russian-language intelligence officer in the US Army for 30 years. We used to say that Old Dad was Henry Fonda and General George Patton all rolled into one. Old Dad did have a big mouth and he spoke his mind, particularly on topics regarding democracy and what it means to live in a free society. So, to the white person who thought I was being a mad black woman–I was really being a mad, old white man, and thank Goddess for that!!!

See you all soon!